Hidey Ho

Well, all is quiet on the home front. Travis just had his last day at Circuit City (so he says), he is getting ready for school to start, and I am plugging away on my manuscript. I just wish an experiment would work. Just one. But then what fun would science be?

We have talked to the agency, and it sounds like things are positive and we are going to remain optimistic. We were told that it looks pretty certain that our application will be accepted the next time we apply, in about 6 months, as long as we are through counseling. So we are not too worried, we are going to continue counseling, and we are going to be patient. God's time, not ours.

The past two messages at church (which are unfortunately the only two we've gone to this summer, shame on us) have really hit home with us. The summer series was 'Say What?' and focuses on tough/weird lessons that are in the New Testament. The first one we saw was about Jesus walking on water, and Peter getting out of the boat. The first part was kind of ho-hum, where exactly is this going. But when Pete got to the actual verses, I felt like I was the only person in the audience and he was talking directly to me.

28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
29"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
Matthew 14
I had never really thought about this passage, except of course Jesus can walk on water, he's Jesus. But Pete made a statement about what Jesus said to Peter that really hit home. Jesus was not condemning Peter's lack of faith in God, otherwise Peter would have never been able to get out of the boat in the first place. He was upset about Peter's lack of faith in himself. Then Pete said these words and I felt them to my core.

"Jesus is saying 'Don't lose faith in who I've called you to be or what I've called you to do.'"
So I feel quite affirmed in our choice to adopt, not that we were questioning it to begin with, but it was a message that I needed to hear and I felt it came right from God to my ears.

Last Sunday was about dying to yourself in order to have life. Kent had a great visual with a tandem bike and talked about letting God in that front seat to steer and to brake and to light the way for you. And we all have a stuff basket (full of food, or alcohol, or other vices). And even when we are on the back seat letting God drive, we can still be buried in our stuff basket and miss things that God is telling us, and the directions in which we are going. I think that the adoption has been in my stuff basket. I have been so obsessed with controling some aspect of my life, and I had decided this would be it. Since the decision to have kids naturally had been taken away from us, I thought maybe this would be a way to take back some control. Sunday helped me to realize this, and I have let it go (or am actively trying, it is always a process) and I think it is going to help me immensely.

Well, thanks for sticking with me this whole time, I know it has been a bit long, but I really wanted to share this with you all. Love you all.