Okay, besides the fact that these ladies (representing awesome adopting families) are an endless fountain of information I can not believe the support I have been getting from people I don't know. How awesome is that! So I would like to thank them 'publicly' for being so wonderful. Especially Julie. Check out her blog OurJourneytoEthiopia, the link is also under blogs on the sidebar. She spent a couple of hours on email with me on Saturday morning, talking through things with me and has been a complete blessing to have in my life right now.
The more I think about this, and the more I pray, the more I know that this is going to be a wonderful experience. There will be some heartache, but the reward will be infinitely greater than whatever may try to get us down. And I am lucky to have a husband as wonderful as Travis to go through this with me. Where would I be without him (besides probably still living with mom and dad :-))? God has blessed in so many ways, it is time for me to start focusing on those instead of on what I think we need but don't have.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Crazy Days
Well, it has been kind of crazy here lately. Then I went to post and I was locked out of my blog because somehow it had been flagged as SPAM!! But it is all cleared up, and blogger said it actually happens kind of regularly. But worry no more, I am back.
So, some of you have heard, others have not. I recieved a phone call this past Wednesday and was informed our application is not going to be accepted at this time. We are not exactly sure what is going on, we have been told two different things, but what I actually was told on the phone was it was due to our couples counseling. They felt our we were not ready to start a homestudy if we were still going, so maybe in 6-12 months we could try to re-apply if we have completed our counseling and everything is taken care of.
I have ranted and raved about lots of things related to this to anyone who will listen (it is probably a good thing I couldn't post), done lots of thinking, not enough praying, and soaked up advice like a sponge. We will not let this get us down. We both know that our hearts are 100% into this and it is something that God has layed on our hearts. So the question that I am sure everyone is asking is WHAT NEXT? I am glad that you asked. Here's the list.
So, some of you have heard, others have not. I recieved a phone call this past Wednesday and was informed our application is not going to be accepted at this time. We are not exactly sure what is going on, we have been told two different things, but what I actually was told on the phone was it was due to our couples counseling. They felt our we were not ready to start a homestudy if we were still going, so maybe in 6-12 months we could try to re-apply if we have completed our counseling and everything is taken care of.
I have ranted and raved about lots of things related to this to anyone who will listen (it is probably a good thing I couldn't post), done lots of thinking, not enough praying, and soaked up advice like a sponge. We will not let this get us down. We both know that our hearts are 100% into this and it is something that God has layed on our hearts. So the question that I am sure everyone is asking is WHAT NEXT? I am glad that you asked. Here's the list.
- We will continue to persue this. We plan on calling and talking to the agency about the issues, what we need to do, and what the chances of us getting accepted by the 6 month mark (12 months seems way too long to wait, I am still working on my patience).
- We are going to continue our counseling. It is not something to hide, or be ashamed of, and personally I applaud any couple who seeks help seeing as it is so much easier to either 1) ignore the problem and pretend you are the greatest married couple of all time or 2) throw in the towel and just get a divorce. I think that the more we work on our communtication, the better our relationship will be and the stronger we will become by going through this experience. We are also going to have our counselor write a letter for us to send in. Will this help? Don't know, but it is worth a shot.
- Keep our options open. There are a lot of agencies out there with wonderful, ethical practices that people have had great experiences with. And whether or not we choose to stay with CHI, I think that these places could be a wonderful resource for us in better understanding what is expected by the Ethiopian government and what is more of the agencies personal requirements.
- Despite my initial impulse to delete this blog the moment I received the phone call, I am going to keep on blogging. Not only to help you, our friends and family, stay up-to-date, but maybe to help someone else out there that is having a similar experience. This whole adoption thing is new to us, we don't know the best/easiest way to get through, and so therefore we are going to have struggles and hardships. Not everyone (would guess not even a fair percentage) of families who adopt are perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes big ones, but the important thing is did you learn from it?
- PRAY PRAY PRAY! The one resource I have not relied upon like I should is God. He lead us here for a reason, and though we may not know why or even how, we will trust in Him and remain faithful. I get frustrated because I feel like there were signs that lead us to adopt from Ethiopia through CHI, and now it hasn't worked out the way I wanted so were there signs, is this really what we are supposed to do? I could make myself crazy second guessing every little detail about the past 3 months, but I don't really feel like being crazy. I like being *relatively* sane at least most of the time, and well, God probably likes me that way too.
So please pray for us, and continue to pray for those who are in the process of building their family in this way, as well as those who are losing it. We love you all, and no worries, there will be kiddos one way or another. ;-)
Sunday, July 22, 2007
What Better Way to Procrastinate?
So I should be working on my manuscript, only one week until the boss-man is back. But instead I am hanging out on the internet trying to make myself feel better about life. I do however have a bunch of little updates and blurbs for you all, so here we go!
OUR NEW NEPHEW!!!!
Welcome to the newest Martin, Cale! He was born via C-section Friday morning around 7:50. I couldn't believe how stinking cute he is, and he has the tiniest head! Maybe I will post some pics later and you can see the differences between Cayton and Cale on their birth days. Cale was so quiet, he seems like he is going to be a pretty laid back kid. Brandon and Brandi are so excited to take him home, and Cayton is going to make a great big brother. He was loving on Cale Friday afternoon, and it was so adorable and sweet!
OUR BLESSED FAMILY AND FRIENDS
So on our way to KC we hitched a ride with my SIL Gretchen, Ashley, and Andrew. Of course the kiddos sat in back, so Gretchen and I had a great time having grown-up time up front and Travis was enjoying quality niece and nephew time in the back. Gretchen and I talked quite a bit about lots of things, including the adoption, teaching, future plans, and even family vacations. Just so you know Gretchen, I LOVE to drive everywhere too, especially if it is east. It is so wonderful to have people in our lives who are so supportive and so involved in this process with us. And so willing to let me know if they need to back off, just to let them know. Let me tell you, that quality is rare.
I also want to give a big cyber-hug to Pam. Travis and I are barely acquaintances with her and she has gone out of her way to to be super helpful and so there for us. Every time I have emailed her with a question it has taken less than 20 minutes for her to respond. I know she doesn't just sit there on her computer all day waiting for me to ask her a crazy I'm-freaking-way-out question, but none the less she is always there for me. How could we be so lucky to already have such a support network before we have really began the process?
And of course, all of you who even take the time to read this blog. Although it would be nice to get some more comments :-). Some people may think this whole internet blogging thing is way to public, and our issues are very personal, but this is so therapuetic for me, and it means so much to me the interest that everyone has shown. I want everyone to be able to stay up to date with what is going on without the giant phone tree/email list serve that it would otherwise take. So again, thanks for taking time out from your day to check in on us. We love you for it.
RANDOMNESS
OUR NEW NEPHEW!!!!
Welcome to the newest Martin, Cale! He was born via C-section Friday morning around 7:50. I couldn't believe how stinking cute he is, and he has the tiniest head! Maybe I will post some pics later and you can see the differences between Cayton and Cale on their birth days. Cale was so quiet, he seems like he is going to be a pretty laid back kid. Brandon and Brandi are so excited to take him home, and Cayton is going to make a great big brother. He was loving on Cale Friday afternoon, and it was so adorable and sweet!
OUR BLESSED FAMILY AND FRIENDS
So on our way to KC we hitched a ride with my SIL Gretchen, Ashley, and Andrew. Of course the kiddos sat in back, so Gretchen and I had a great time having grown-up time up front and Travis was enjoying quality niece and nephew time in the back. Gretchen and I talked quite a bit about lots of things, including the adoption, teaching, future plans, and even family vacations. Just so you know Gretchen, I LOVE to drive everywhere too, especially if it is east. It is so wonderful to have people in our lives who are so supportive and so involved in this process with us. And so willing to let me know if they need to back off, just to let them know. Let me tell you, that quality is rare.
I also want to give a big cyber-hug to Pam. Travis and I are barely acquaintances with her and she has gone out of her way to to be super helpful and so there for us. Every time I have emailed her with a question it has taken less than 20 minutes for her to respond. I know she doesn't just sit there on her computer all day waiting for me to ask her a crazy I'm-freaking-way-out question, but none the less she is always there for me. How could we be so lucky to already have such a support network before we have really began the process?
And of course, all of you who even take the time to read this blog. Although it would be nice to get some more comments :-). Some people may think this whole internet blogging thing is way to public, and our issues are very personal, but this is so therapuetic for me, and it means so much to me the interest that everyone has shown. I want everyone to be able to stay up to date with what is going on without the giant phone tree/email list serve that it would otherwise take. So again, thanks for taking time out from your day to check in on us. We love you for it.
RANDOMNESS
- I love to check out other people's blogs to see how things are going with their Ethiopian adoption. Sometimes it makes it hard though, it seems they already have their kids, or at least pictures, and it makes me long for that time when we will first be able to see the beautiful faces of our children who are waiting for us. And then we can have pictures of our babies, and the nursery, and all the adorable stuff my mom has bought for them. Seriously. I think she has a secret stash of baby stuff already and is just waiting for the green light to give it to me. I am not kidding, I specifically had to tell her not to buy stuff yet. Although this may be an acception. Love you mom!!!
- On Friday while we were in the waiting room at the hospital in KC, there was this so stinkin' cute baby girl walking around. She was about 1, had the cutest curly hair, a beautiful smile, and was so happy to see everyone. She played around with Andrew for a bit, then came over to say hi to me and to give me a high-five. Then she went over to Travis. She just stood there smiling at him, and reaching like she wanted to be picked up. So Travis picked her up and she giggled and started to play with his goatee. I almost cried because she was African-American, and Travis looked so right holding her. They were so smiley with each other. Ohhh, I can't wait!!!
- So all of our stuff is in the mail and I am waiting patiently to get the email from Sharon saying if we have been accepted. Patiently as in I check my email about 5 times a day (even today, which is Sunday, which they are not at work, and which no postal service runs). I will let everyone know as soon as I know, which will hopefully be in a few days. So keep checking, important news will be posted here soon!
- HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No spoilers, I just had to express how happy I was with the book. I think JK ended the book series in just about the best way possible. Although I am very sad it is over. Very sad.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Check This Out!!!
So the first Ethiopian referal pics were taken down off of the CHI site becuase you can't legally post pictures of your child until they are legally yours. So... check out this blog and you can see the pictures of Micah www.kevstac-ouradoptionjourney.blogspot.com/! It is official, they had their court date YESTERDAY and Kevin and Stacey are now officially his parents. How adorable is he? (Thanks for the heads up Pam, I've been a bit slack on checking out the blogs for a few days)
The past couple of days have been emotionally a bit tough, but wow, does this make up for it. Yesterday we got our info to complete our application in the mail, so hopefully it will be in St. Louis by Friday. Today I get to see pictures of an amazingly beautiful boy in Ethiopia waiting for his family to come and get him. And now I can see our kids over there waiting for us. A big brother or sister whose mommy will be having a new little one in the not so distant future. This has helped to make it so much more real to me.
It also makes me so very sad to think about what will have to happen in order for them to be able to come to us, and then I feel a little bit guilty. Am I secretly hoping that something bad will happen to someone so that I can have their children? I've seen some other people mention this, and never really thought about it like that before. While I am going through all of this paperwork and waiting and praying for children, someone else is carrying our baby and loving on our toddler. Something will have to happen to that woman, or is happening to her or to her family, that will neccessitate someone halfway around the world raise her children. It is hard to think about knowing how badly we want children, and how we feel that we could never give them up, no matter what. And that is exactly what will have to happen for us to bring home our kids. And the loss our children will feel. Even if they are young enough that they won't really remember ever not living with us or in the States, they will always know that there was another mommy out there, another family who did what we would deem unthinkable. It is a messed up world, and so unfair to those who are so innocent, but with God's love and guidance I know that we will be able to help our children make sense of what will happen to their birth family and show them that they are children of God in every sense of the word.
Sorry for the serious turn this post took, I really just wanted you all to be able to rejoice with me about another family's happy experience. God is at work here, I can see it, I can feel it, and I know it is true. So please, let us all remember to say a prayer those who have to lose a family and for those who will gain one through that horrible loss.
The past couple of days have been emotionally a bit tough, but wow, does this make up for it. Yesterday we got our info to complete our application in the mail, so hopefully it will be in St. Louis by Friday. Today I get to see pictures of an amazingly beautiful boy in Ethiopia waiting for his family to come and get him. And now I can see our kids over there waiting for us. A big brother or sister whose mommy will be having a new little one in the not so distant future. This has helped to make it so much more real to me.
It also makes me so very sad to think about what will have to happen in order for them to be able to come to us, and then I feel a little bit guilty. Am I secretly hoping that something bad will happen to someone so that I can have their children? I've seen some other people mention this, and never really thought about it like that before. While I am going through all of this paperwork and waiting and praying for children, someone else is carrying our baby and loving on our toddler. Something will have to happen to that woman, or is happening to her or to her family, that will neccessitate someone halfway around the world raise her children. It is hard to think about knowing how badly we want children, and how we feel that we could never give them up, no matter what. And that is exactly what will have to happen for us to bring home our kids. And the loss our children will feel. Even if they are young enough that they won't really remember ever not living with us or in the States, they will always know that there was another mommy out there, another family who did what we would deem unthinkable. It is a messed up world, and so unfair to those who are so innocent, but with God's love and guidance I know that we will be able to help our children make sense of what will happen to their birth family and show them that they are children of God in every sense of the word.
Sorry for the serious turn this post took, I really just wanted you all to be able to rejoice with me about another family's happy experience. God is at work here, I can see it, I can feel it, and I know it is true. So please, let us all remember to say a prayer those who have to lose a family and for those who will gain one through that horrible loss.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Housekeeping
Okay, so I am doing some moving and improving in the left-hand column as you may see. Trying to get a) actual links of use and b) them organized in the easiest way possible for you all to use (and of course myself, but that is a given). I've added a story the NY Times did on Ethiopian adoption, and I think it is a really good article to read. It highlights not only some of the concerns about the growing rate of adoption from this country, but it really emphasizes one of the reasons we chose Ethiopia. The government requires humanitarian aid from any agency that is licensed to adopt there. Check it out.
I also found an interesting blog entry about transracial adoption, on Mayhem and Magic. http://mayhemandmagic.typepad.com/mayhem_and_magic/2006/12/adoption_faq.html I thought it was very well written, and addresses some concerns that I have about our upcoming family. Travis and I have had many discussions about the best way to go about raising our future children, how to make them well adjusted, not feel like they have been denied something about thier heritage or culture. I am sure that every family that adopts out of thier racial/cultural group faces these dilemas, and I know that we will do our best. With lots of hard work and God on our side, our children will be happy, loved, supported, and above all, part of our family. I know with all of our family and friends with us that everything will work out.
I also found an interesting blog entry about transracial adoption, on Mayhem and Magic. http://mayhemandmagic.typepad.com/mayhem_and_magic/2006/12/adoption_faq.html I thought it was very well written, and addresses some concerns that I have about our upcoming family. Travis and I have had many discussions about the best way to go about raising our future children, how to make them well adjusted, not feel like they have been denied something about thier heritage or culture. I am sure that every family that adopts out of thier racial/cultural group faces these dilemas, and I know that we will do our best. With lots of hard work and God on our side, our children will be happy, loved, supported, and above all, part of our family. I know with all of our family and friends with us that everything will work out.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Two Weeks Take Two
So, we never got the envelope back for not enough postage, not even yesterday which was my lucky day (good things always happen on Friday the 13th). My contacts came though, so that was a bit exciting. And the quote for the new A/C was not as crazy expensive as we'd thought, plus Travis's medical insurance will help pay for getting his wisdom teeth out. It was an insane week, let me tell you.
Any-hoo, we will be on try two to get our application completed so the two week waiting period will start. Finally. I am calming down quite a bit about this entire situation, I have got to let it go and give it over to God. I think that is the biggest problem I am having right now in handling this situation. It is hard to just let go, especially when we have been trying so hard for so long. I feel the need to control the situation so that if something goes wrong I can point to a specific thing/action/oversight and say, see this is what went wrong. Next time I will know better and it will work for us. That way it isn't so scary that arbitrary things happen that are beyond my control that will deny us our family yet again. It's not that I don't trust God to get it right, I guess I just don't trust myself to allow it to happen.
So I am expecting our countdown to begin on Friday I suppose. That should give us plenty of time to get the stuff together, get it in the mail, and let it get to St. Louis. That is if the post office hasn't upped postage on us again. JK :-)
Any-hoo, we will be on try two to get our application completed so the two week waiting period will start. Finally. I am calming down quite a bit about this entire situation, I have got to let it go and give it over to God. I think that is the biggest problem I am having right now in handling this situation. It is hard to just let go, especially when we have been trying so hard for so long. I feel the need to control the situation so that if something goes wrong I can point to a specific thing/action/oversight and say, see this is what went wrong. Next time I will know better and it will work for us. That way it isn't so scary that arbitrary things happen that are beyond my control that will deny us our family yet again. It's not that I don't trust God to get it right, I guess I just don't trust myself to allow it to happen.
So I am expecting our countdown to begin on Friday I suppose. That should give us plenty of time to get the stuff together, get it in the mail, and let it get to St. Louis. That is if the post office hasn't upped postage on us again. JK :-)
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Booklist
Since I am a dork, and a reading fool, I thought it may be useful to give everyone a list of books that I have found helpful. It will be a bit slow at first, as I don't want to put anything up until I have read it, and I am waiting on our application before really diving in. That and Harry Potter book 7 comes out in 13 days, 9 hours, and 28 minutes. Of course I know the seconds, but they change so fast, what is the point of listing them really?
So I just finished 'Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother.' It is a very short, very easy read about a woman's experience with open adoption and transracial adoption. I don't know if it is for everyone, personally I think it was wonderful, but some people may be upset by her total honesty with her thoughts and emotions during the entire experience. It is nice to know that I am not some horrible person because of some of the thoughts that I have and some of the issues that I am striving to work out. It does have some good stuff on the transracial aspects of their experience as well, and I think it is a good way to kind of get inside the head of a woman who is going through this type of experience.
Feel free to let me know your thoughts and feelings on any of the books I end up listing, as I will be with mine. And also feel free to suggest books that you think would be helpful, or that were helpful to you. I will try to do my best to keep up, and to post my 'review' for everyone to see. I really hope that all of you take some time to read at least one book, or check out some of the other resources I post here, so that you will not only be better able to understand what we are doing, why we are doing it, the challenges we will be facing, but so that you are more informed about some of the issues that will soon become so central to our (and therefore yours) family. Love you all.
So I just finished 'Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother.' It is a very short, very easy read about a woman's experience with open adoption and transracial adoption. I don't know if it is for everyone, personally I think it was wonderful, but some people may be upset by her total honesty with her thoughts and emotions during the entire experience. It is nice to know that I am not some horrible person because of some of the thoughts that I have and some of the issues that I am striving to work out. It does have some good stuff on the transracial aspects of their experience as well, and I think it is a good way to kind of get inside the head of a woman who is going through this type of experience.
Feel free to let me know your thoughts and feelings on any of the books I end up listing, as I will be with mine. And also feel free to suggest books that you think would be helpful, or that were helpful to you. I will try to do my best to keep up, and to post my 'review' for everyone to see. I really hope that all of you take some time to read at least one book, or check out some of the other resources I post here, so that you will not only be better able to understand what we are doing, why we are doing it, the challenges we will be facing, but so that you are more informed about some of the issues that will soon become so central to our (and therefore yours) family. Love you all.
What is the opposite of smoothly?
Seriously. I just found out this morning, completely by chance, that I am oblivious to the rest of the world and apparently live under a rock. When did postage go up to 41 cents? And why didn't anyone tell me? I believe it is the civic duty of the USPS to announce these things in a timely and very public manner. You know, send something to your house via the mail, maybe post fliers or even hire one of those airplanes with the banners to fly around for a week or so and make sure that those of us who barely know what day of the week it is, let alone the date (thank goodness for Timex watches), know these things that can affect us in such profound ways.
So needless to say, I am expecting to get the extra info we needed to send to CHI for our application back in the mail. Apparently it takes about a week to get it back according to the envelope Travis just got back in the mail, so any day now it should be popping up. Joy. I think we may make a run at the record for longest time to get an application through the process. See, there is always a silver lining.
So hopefully things won't take too much longer and things will actually begin to go smoothly with our process. Perhaps this is us just getting all of the hiccups over with in the beginning. How great would that be? But I will definately keep you all posted, so no worries there.
So needless to say, I am expecting to get the extra info we needed to send to CHI for our application back in the mail. Apparently it takes about a week to get it back according to the envelope Travis just got back in the mail, so any day now it should be popping up. Joy. I think we may make a run at the record for longest time to get an application through the process. See, there is always a silver lining.
So hopefully things won't take too much longer and things will actually begin to go smoothly with our process. Perhaps this is us just getting all of the hiccups over with in the beginning. How great would that be? But I will definately keep you all posted, so no worries there.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Some Witty Lyric About Time
Unfortuantely I can not think of a short, witty, fairly known song lyric about time and how stinkin' slowly it passes due to the fact that I got up uber early to make it to lab uber early to be done uber early for the holiday. Therefore my brain is uber mush, and you all must suffer the consequences.
Right now we are in phase 1 waiting, and it is way worse than I had thought it would be. And it is only two weeks. I guess maybe it is just the uncertainty of awaiting 'acceptance'. Once that hurdle has been cleared the waiting won't be so bad, at least we will know what the outcome will be. I have a million questions and worries raging through my head. When is the 2 week wait for application acceptance over? Did the count start the day I mailed, or the day they got it in the mail? Or maybe it was the day they finally opened it. And did the count get restarted when we had to send some more stuff in? What does it mean if we don't know by the 2 week mark? What does it mean that my computer took 15 minutes to boot up on Monday? Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh.
Okay, I am fine now. I guess it is just hard waiting and wondering and feeling judged. It is another case of I feel so close to finally starting our family, but it is still an obstacle course and several months away. What happens if I fall off the rope into the mud pit? Is it a do-over, or a go back to the beginng, do not pass go, do not collect $200? Ok, enough with the convoluted metaphors, I think it is fairly obvious my brain is still asleep. We will know soon enough, hopefully in the next week (that would be two weeks from the day they recieved it), and I am sure I will look back at these entries and laugh about me being worried about nothing (knock on wood).
Hope everyone enjoys their Fourth of July. Watch lots of fireworks, eat lots of burgers, and write your name in the air as many times as possible with your sparkler. But be careful. Sparklers are the number two culprit in firework injuries, second only to fire crackers.
Right now we are in phase 1 waiting, and it is way worse than I had thought it would be. And it is only two weeks. I guess maybe it is just the uncertainty of awaiting 'acceptance'. Once that hurdle has been cleared the waiting won't be so bad, at least we will know what the outcome will be. I have a million questions and worries raging through my head. When is the 2 week wait for application acceptance over? Did the count start the day I mailed, or the day they got it in the mail? Or maybe it was the day they finally opened it. And did the count get restarted when we had to send some more stuff in? What does it mean if we don't know by the 2 week mark? What does it mean that my computer took 15 minutes to boot up on Monday? Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh.
Okay, I am fine now. I guess it is just hard waiting and wondering and feeling judged. It is another case of I feel so close to finally starting our family, but it is still an obstacle course and several months away. What happens if I fall off the rope into the mud pit? Is it a do-over, or a go back to the beginng, do not pass go, do not collect $200? Ok, enough with the convoluted metaphors, I think it is fairly obvious my brain is still asleep. We will know soon enough, hopefully in the next week (that would be two weeks from the day they recieved it), and I am sure I will look back at these entries and laugh about me being worried about nothing (knock on wood).
Hope everyone enjoys their Fourth of July. Watch lots of fireworks, eat lots of burgers, and write your name in the air as many times as possible with your sparkler. But be careful. Sparklers are the number two culprit in firework injuries, second only to fire crackers.
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